Friday, February 9, 2018

Death Valley moves to Kiefer

DEATH VALLEY DUKES MOVE TO KIEFER TEXAS

DEATH VALLEY, TEXAS, February 8 (AP) - In an expected move, the Death Valley Dukes TFL franchise announced in a written statement that they have played their final game in the Mojave Desert.  Poor attendance figures, a decline in local population, and an inability to keep the turf watered were cited as the primary factors behind the upcoming move.  Secondary factors included player dissatisfaction with the lack of nightlife, safety concerns following the spontaneous combustion death of RB Alfred Blue during training camp, and unacceptable traffic conditions outside of Dutch Brothers Coffee.  

Tiny little Kiefer, Oklahoma was the wecome recipient of the relocation news, as it was announced that the Tulsa suburb would be the new home of the franchise.  The Kiefer Sutherlands will begin play in the 2018/2019 TFL Season with Jack Bauer serving as general manager and head coach in this time of transition and rebuilding for the franchise.  The statement noted that Bauer has a knack for getting the best out of his teams in times of adversity, has experience in identifying and eliminating cancers in his midst, and can pilot anything from a Warthog to Air Force One if necessary.  Former HUD secretary and President of the United States Tom Kirkman was named defensive coordinator. A professor of Urban Planning by trade, the statement noted that Kirkman has a master plan to employ a double zone - what he terms a "re-zone" - in attempts to slow down the high flying TFL passing attacks.  In what sounds like an immediate coup, Kirkman has already assisted the Town of Kiefer in dealing with their very own Dutch Brothers related traffic problems.  

The statement made no mention of a future offensive coordinator, though Doc Scurlock is favored for the position.  

Immediately after the release of the statement, an ICBM with nuclear warhead was fired from the DPRK towards the greater Tulsa area.  The missile, however, was intercepted by an Alert Bauer and thrown back to the Korean Peninsula.  It is assumed that the North Korean attack was prompted by disappointment resulting from the little rocket man's realization that the franchise would not, as rumored, be relocated to Pyongyang to be coached by Dennis Rodman.  

2017 Tradition Super Bowl

Arizona 24, Erie 19

1st
2nd
3rd
4th
OT
Total
2016 Arizona
0
21
3
0
0
24
2016 Erie
3
13
3
0
0
19
Scoring Plays
Qtr Clock Team Scoring Description(Extra Point) Score
1 4:30 2016 Erie S.Janikowski 26 yd. field goal 3-0 ERI
2 13:30 2016 Erie T.Taylor 2 yd. run (S.Janikowski kick) 10-0 ERI
2 10:12 2016 Arizona L.Bell 4 yd. pass from D.Brees (C.Sturgis kick) 10-7 ERI
2 5:42 2016 Arizona L.Bell 4 yd. run (C.Sturgis kick) 14-10 AIR
2 2:42 2016 Erie S.Janikowski 31 yd. field goal 14-13 AIR
2 1:45 2016 Arizona T.Ginn Jr. 54 yd. pass from D.Brees (C.Sturgis kick) 21-13 AIR
2 0:08 2016 Erie S.Janikowski 56 yd. field goal 21-16 AIR
3 10:12 2016 Erie S.Janikowski 36 yd. field goal 21-19 AIR
3 6:18 2016 Arizona C.Sturgis 32 yd. field goal 24-19 AIR
Other Highlights
Qtr Clock Team Event Player Yards
1 9:00 2016 Erie Intercept Lamarcus Joyner 22
2 11:42 2016 Arizona QBSack Erik Walden -6
2 0:30 2016 Erie QBSack Geno Atkins -5
2 0:00 2016 Erie Intercept Harrison Smith 20
3 9:36 2016 Arizona Pass Brandin Cooks 47
3 0:36 2016 Erie Missed Field Goal S. Janikowski 43
4 7:48 2016 Erie Fumble DeAndre Washington
4 6:36 2016 Arizona Pass Marvin Jones 38
4 5:24 2016 Arizona QBSack Erik Walden -6
4 3:18 2016 Erie QBSack Geno Atkins -7
4 0:52 2016 Erie QBSack Dominique Rodgers-Cromart -10
Team Statistics
2016 Arizona 2016 Erie
First Downs by Rush-Pass-Pen-Total 5-11-0-16 6-21-0-27
Third Down Efficiency 3-11-27% 6-16-38%
Fourth Down Efficiency 1-1-100% 1-3-33%
Red Zone Efficiency (pts-poss-pct) 17-21-81% 16-28-57%
Total Offense-Plays-Avg Yards Per Play 328-55-6.0 392-84-4.7
Total Net Yards Rushing 72 88
Total Rushes 20 25
Average Per Rush 3.6 3.5
Passes Completed/Attempted 20/33 (60.6%) 40/56 (71.4%)
Net Yards Passing 256 304
Avg Yards Per Pass 8.1 5.8
Sacked/Yards Lost 2/12 3/22
Punts/Average 5/41.0 2/27.5
Punts Received/Return Yardage 1/9 2/9
Kickoffs/Returns 1/25 0/0
Interceptions/Returns 0/0 2/42
Penalties/Yards 4/30 4/30
Total Fumbles/Fumbles Lost 3/0 2/1
Time of Possession 23 mins 8 secs 36 mins 52 secs
Average Drive Start AIR 30 ERI 29
Passing Stats
Att Comp Yds Comp % Yds/Att TD TD % INT INT % Long Sack Rating
2016 Arizona
Drew Brees 33 20 268 60.6 8.1 2 6.1 2 6.1 54 2/12 81.4
2016 Erie
Tyrod Taylor 56 40 326 71.4 5.8 0 0 0 0 20 3/22 85.9
Rushing Stats
No Yds Avg Long TD 2 Pt Conv Fumbles/Lost
2016 Arizona
Le'Veon Bell 15 71 4.7 19 1 0 0/0
Drew Brees 5 1 0.2 4 0 0 2/0
2016 Erie
LeSean McCoy 11 42 3.8 17 0 0 0/0
Tyrod Taylor 9 43 4.8 20 1 0 0/0
DeAndre Washington 4 3 0.8 6 0 0 1/1
Theo Riddick 1 0 0.0 0 0 0 0/0
Receiving Stats
No Yds Avg Long TD 2 Pt Conv
2016 Arizona
Le'Veon Bell 9 45 5.0 15 1 0
Brandin Cooks 4 82 20.5 47 0 0
Travis Kelce 3 46 15.3 27 0 0
Aaron Ripkowski 1 1 1.0 1 0 0
Larry Fitzgerald 1 2 2.0 2 0 0
Marvin Jones 1 38 38.0 38 0 0
Ted Ginn Jr. 1 54 54.0 54 1 0
2016 Erie
Martellus Bennett 13 78 6.0 17 0 0
Theo Riddick 10 89 8.9 20 0 0
LeSean McCoy 6 68 11.3 16 0 0
Jordy Nelson 4 33 8.3 11 0 0
Cordarrelle Patterson 4 36 9.0 19 0 0
Kenny Stills 1 6 6.0 6 0 0
DeAndre Washington 1 2 2.0 2 0 0
Kenny Britt 1 14 14.0 14 0 0
Field Goals
1-19 20-29 30-39 40-49 50+ Totals % Made
2016 Arizona
Caleb Sturgis 0/0 0/0 1/1 0/0 0/0 1/1 100
2016 Erie
S. Janikowski 0/0 1/1 2/2 0/1 1/1 4/5 80.0
Punting
No Avg Net Tb Inside 20 Long Blocked
2016 Arizona
Kevin Huber 5 41.0 27.2 3 0 47 0
2016 Erie
Tress Way 2 27.5 23.0 0 1 33 0
Kickoff Returns
No Yds Avg Long TD
2016 Arizona
Alex Erickson 1 25 25.0 25 0
2016 Erie
Punt Returns
Ret FC Yds Avg Long TD
2016 Arizona
Ted Ginn Jr. 1 0 9 9.0 9 0
2016 Erie
Dwayne Harris 2 0 9 4.5 9 0
Individual Defense
Tackles Sacks Fum Rec
2016 Arizona
Shaq Thompson 11 0 0
Dominique Rodgers-Cromart 10 1 0
Eric Weddle 8 0 0
Von Miller 7 0 1
T.J. Ward 6 0 0
Benardrick McKinney 5 0 0
Patrick Peterson 5 0 0
Shawn Williams 5 0 0
Geno Atkins 4 2 0
Olivier Vernon 3 0 0
Akiem Hicks 2 0 0
Aaron Donald 1 0 0
Andrew Norwell 0 0 1
Lane Johnson 0 0 1
Ted Ginn Jr. 0 0 1
2016 Erie
Erik Walden 6 2 0
Harrison Smith 6 0 0
Bobby Wagner 4 0 0
Perry Riley 4 0 0
Nigel Bradham 3 0 0
Ronald Darby 3 0 0
Cameron Wake 3 0 0
Will Blackmon 2 0 0
Derek Wolfe 2 0 1
Josh Norman 1 0 0
Lamarcus Joyner 1 0 0
Interceptions
No Yds Avg Long TD
2016 Arizona
2016 Erie
Harrison Smith 1 20 20.0 20 0
Lamarcus Joyner 1 22 22.0 22 0

Game Story
In a close game the visitors from Arizona topped Erie by the score of 24 to 19. Le'Veon Bell carried the ball 15 times for 71 yards and added a touchdown. The biggest play of the game was a touchdown pass to Ted Ginn Jr. that went for 54 yards with 1:45 left in the 2nd quarter. Arizona was on top at the half 21 to 16. They led after three quarters 24 to 19. Tyrod Taylor threw 56 times for 326 yards for Erie, in a losing cause. 

The Arizona Air Raid won their 2nd TFL championship in team history Wednesday night, hanging on to beat the Erie Silence 24-19. The scoreboard doesn't even come close to telling the whole story. Bryan called as good a game as he could, especially given the obstacles the Strat Gods threw at him tonight. The Strat Gods, it seems, may have felt bad about last year's Tradition Bowl...

Erie started off well, holding Arizona to 3 and outs on their 1st and 3rd possessions, and intercepting Drew Brees on the 2nd. The Silence turned those defensive stands into a quick 10-0 lead. Brees rebounded after that, leading the Air Raid on three consecutive touchdown drives for a 21-13 lead with 1:45 left, despite losing the ageless Larry Fitzgerald to game-ending injury midway through the 2nd quarter. That would, however, be the last time the injury bug went against Arizona.

Responding to the Air Raid's third touchdown drive, Erie mounted a drive of their own that would change the entire game. The key sequence was with 1:07 remaining in the half, Erie facing 3rd and 14 at their own 21, Tyrod Taylor hit a 20 yard must-run for a big first down to the 41. On the very next play, Taylor hit LeSean McCoy for an 11 yard gain into Arizona territory... but play ended McCoy's day, with the star HB getting injured for the rest of the game. Ironically, if Taylor hadn't picked up that first down the play before, McCoy wouldn't have been on the field to get injured the next play.

After the Silence lost their star and best player, they were able to get to the Arizona 39, where the ageless Sebastian Janikowski nailed a 56 yard field goal to cut the lead to 5.

The second half looked like it would belong to the Air Raid, giving them 30 minutes to breeze to the title. But Erie kept the Air Raid out of the end zone time and again. Each team scored 3rd quarter field goals, and that was the end of the game's scoring. Erie put together some good drives, but a missed field goal and a fumble on the Air Raid 26 kept them just out of reach. Arizona had plenty of chance to put the game away, getting to the Erie 47, 37, and 35 before stalling out and punting it into the end zone and giving Erie a couple of late chances. But without McCoy (as well as 3rd WR Kenny Stills, injured midway through the 3rd, and All-Pro Center Alex Mack, injured with 10:48 to go in the game), the Silence just couldn't get down the field to the end zone, and the Air Raid sweated it out for the win.

Another key difference in the game was that Arizona had 3 fumbles and didn't lose any of them, while Erie backed HB DeAndre Washington lost one of the Silence's two fumbles at the Arizona 20, ending a promising drive. 

Another key play was a 4th and 1 from the Erie 8 early in the 2nd quarter. Down 10-0, Arizona passed on a field goal attempt and got a 4 yard QB sneak to pick up the 1st down, and scored the TD on the next play. You could say we were inspired by the Eagles boldness at the goal line Sunday night in that other game. Fortune favors the bold, as they say.

Congratulations to Bryan for a great season, a fantastic playoff run, and a great Tradition Bowl performance. Without the injuries this would have been a very different game. As I told him, sometimes there's just nothing you could have done differently.

I also mentioned to him that in the 2010 draft, I could have taken McCoy in the fourth round at 63. Somewhere I got it in my head that he was going to be injury-prone. So I passed on McCoy and took Knowshon Moreno at 63, and McCoy went to Minnesota (now Erie), 11 picks later. McCoy would go on to lead (or co-lead) Minnesota to back-to-back titles, as well as leading Erie to this title game, while Moreno is, I don't know, washing cars somewhere. But in the end, McCoy was injury-prone at just the right time for me to grab my second Tradition Bowl. 


As great as Drew Brees is, the LeVeon Bell trade last summer is really what brought this all together. And, deservedly, Bell takes home the Tradition Bowl MVP, rushing 15 times for 71 yards and a touchdown, and catching 9 balls for 45 yards and another touchdown. If you want a Defensive Player of the Game, we'll give it to Arizona's first ever draft pick, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, who had 10 tackles and the game-ending sack of Tyrod Taylor.